by Scott Johnston
Draped in a dark pea jacket, Jerry Cutler leaned into the frigid breeze that swept the Pennsylvania college campus. “I remember the very first time I was here, about a year ago,” he said as we headed toward the Science Center. “As I walked through the parking lot, my anxiety was so bad that I almost turned around and went home. I didn’t feel smart enough for college. It felt like another big failure about to go down. But now look,” he said with a smile.
by Matthew Groff
My recovery story started when someone held hope for me when I had none… when someone could dream for me when I could not.
Between the ages of 20 and 27, I was psychiatrically hospitalized on seven occasions. During that time, I took many different medications. Even though I tested as having genius intelligence, I flunked out of college three times. I also struggled as a temporary worker. I dug ditches, cleaned toilets, and did other similar jobs. Sometimes I was homeless. My hope for a better life ran out. And I was certain that no woman could love me enough to endure being with me. But I was wrong.
Welcome to the launch of the Recovery Diaries! Think of this website as a multimedia forum that brings light to the lived experiences of recovery: what matters, what helps, what’s hard, what might be next.
Please share with us your ideas about interesting stories, videos, art, and poetry. The scope is wide: personal perspectives, recovery innovations, examples of empowerment, strengths and gaps in the mental health system, and efforts to dismantle stigma.
We enjoy partnering with our contributors in developing compelling features that inform, express, and explore. Join us on the journey and submit your ideas to RecoveryDiaires@gmail.com
by Bud Clayman
Up until six years ago, I talked about my OCD and Asperger’s Syndrome with only a select group: family members, mental health professionals, and peers with mental illness. But after a while, this wasn’t enough. I was making good progress in treatment and was comfortable risking a wider circle of disclosure. Because I was a filmmaker, I made the documentary OC87: The Obsessive Compulsive, Major Depression, Bipolar, Asperger’s Movie to talk publicly about my psychiatric problems and journey of recovery. When we finally started to show people the film, I emerged from my unhealthy shell.
Performing under the name Geppetta, Adelaide Windsome uses art, music, and storytelling to communicate about her recovery journey. Visit Adelaide’s website StitchingTentacles.com to learn more about her visual art, music, and tour dates. Adelaide would like to thank The Sent(a)Mental Project: Memorial to LGBTQ Suicides and The Trevor Project.
by Jeff Kellen
When I was about ten years old, my parents went through a tough time in their marriage and I often had obsessively sad thoughts, some of which were consumed with violence. I also constantly drew pictures of sharks and other marine life for a very long time after my parents took me to see the first Jaws movie when I was only seven. I felt driven to constantly add accurate detail – a perfectionism that fits Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).
It wasn’t until I graduated from college that the compulsive behaviors of my OCD emerged.
Soon after college, mental illness interrupted Bud Clayman’s dreams of a filmmaking career. Thirty years later, he’s made the movie of his life. Check out the OC87 website, Facebook page, and watch this trailer for the film to learn more about Bud’s story.
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